To look back on this semester and the time spent in this class is something that will probably be with me every time I sit down to read a passage, or listen to words spoken to me by people with stories to tell. To dissect the words and search for the meaning behind them, to pierce through the face of conversation and understand the purpose of another’s opinion or persuasion, and even to even to do so when conveying my own thoughts. So that I may present them in a way that is more true to my deeper conscience. After coming to this class I’ve have changed and not for the worse but for the better. From barely being able to piece two words together to being able to string five-hundred. From one page’s worth of content to being able to produce three and even more if I pushed my boundaries even further.
This class has showed me that with enough dedication, time and practice, you can truly achieve something that is seen as difficult by just about everyone. Never on any day did I think that I would be able to sit down in front of a screen like I am right now, and start to put down my thoughts in a such a manner. I didn’t even think that I would make it this far. Walking through that door I had prepared every inch of my confidence that I just wasn’t gonna be as good of a writer as I turned out to be, and was ready to have been a dropout. But through Mr. Sabatino’s charismatic nature and the way he uses his energy to share his knowledge an in understandable and relative manner, I was drawn to his yearn for our success. It became less about just trying to better myself for the sake of the grade, but because I could see that this man was speaking from experience. Writing isn’t just a chore. It is a practice, like some others, that can help you grow as a person and reveal to you pieces of your own bigger picture. He mentioned how he would have these moments that stuck with him whenever his pen touches paper, and I wanted these for myself. I did end up having a moment or two after all. The first of which was a moment that spurred out of nowhere, all because of my mentioning of my writing class. My conversation with a friend was one of those moments that will stick with me. In the earlier weeks, Sabatino often spoke of how we try so hard to make our lives write like films or short stories, that when it doesn’t come out how we want we just beat ourselves up for being boring. But it's inside the mundane that things about us stand out the most. Hearing a friend of mine who knew nothing of my class repeat my teacher’s words to me proved how legitimate his perspective is. Even to this day I go back to that conversation and smile thinking about the effects its continued to have on me. Another moment would be when Sabatino had the classroom read our passages out loud in front of one another. Some blog posts were so powerful in essence that it could influence the tone of the entire room. It was only when he mentioned “the power of words” to cut through the silent atmosphere did a feeling in me set in. It made me realize just how strong what we are learning could be. To read is just as strong as listening. Even now as I reach the end of this blog post, I feel something setting on that was part of our last project, being grateful. For I’m no longer just a person who can write in incomprehensible sprints. Thanks to this class and everything Mr. Sabatino has taught me, I can write in marathons.
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In my 13th week blog post I was beginning to lean on the other side of the fence when concerning positive psychology and what it could do for your well-being. When I was going through the steps before maybe I was doing it all wrong. A lot of thought process day after day was “what do I feel” or “Am I forcing myself to be happy, or is it happening naturally?”. During the 2 weeks after the initial start of my research I was on the brink of thinking that maybe it was more of me creating my on placebo and that every change I thought I had experienced was really of my own making, which it was, but was only brought about by the Three Good Things. Could I replicate that without looking for anything positive? Just letting things happen that were good and just keep moving?
Well I attempted it, and it indeed made a difference. Even though I still experience good things here and there, without the thought of “Three Good Things” weighing in the back of my conscience, they all were nothing but fleeting moments. Where during the seven days, now that I look back on it, I did much like Mr. Sabatino said that he had done. I wasn’t just enjoying the moments more but my new thought process allowed me to savor them in a different way. They were no longer just moments you could smile and laugh about for a brief second and just move on to the next scene of your day. These moments became like a glass of cool water for me as I coursed through the dry-lands of my daily routines. Keeping favorable moments on my mind kept me from looking too serious and made my presence seem more appealing. It's now become apparent to me that what was occurring before wasn’t in no way a placebo. I wasn’t just tricking myself in wanting to believe that the effects were there, but they really were. The eyes of other people don’t typically lie. I can rely more on theirs than my own. After all I can feel almost anything. But when people can visually point out the difference that they see in me then I have to commit to the answer that being positive did in fact change my well-being for the better. Before in my research paper I mentioned toward the end that I felt that the effects took a while to take hold. Which for me they did, and I still feel like maybe I should do this longer. That just may be the route that I take with this. I think, even if I may end up non-consistent at times, that I will try and actually make this part of not just my day to day, but maybe my life. In another blog post I briefly spoke about how I seem to have an affliction with negative thoughts. Now that I’ve confronted that part about myself, I think it's time to take up the sword and change that. After having completed the week of Three Good Things I let the high of foregoing it die down a little to allow myself to readjust to my day to day before I started the practice. In doing so I was looking more into my life before I started to try and introduce a more positive outlook and if there was really a drastic difference after all. It took a while, but eventually I started back into the foggy life that I was living before, just going through the motions. It wasn’t immediate but eventually my former thought process started to re-develop and not even just myself, but everyone I interacted with started to notice things about me had shifted slightly. In an earlier blog post I had mentioned that my work place was starting the holiday season full throttle, and I had clung onto the positive psychology to keep myself from being easily irritated this season unlike the one before.
It worked. Most times when coworkers around me were passing by like chicken’s with their heads cut off I was roaming at a pace that seemed irregular for someone like myself. Even when interacting with people while we were all feeling the pressure, other’s seemed to pick up on this newly found optimism within me and would make vague comments on it through jokes of surprise. Since having decided to try and see if the difference was significant, I can attest that it was indeed visible and physical. Unlike the week I was doing the practice, I feel less motivated to look for anything good to happen and mostly hold a reserved sense pessimism toward things again. Just like before where others could sense the happiness in me and were taken aback, someone the other day looked at me and assumed I was upset because my face was back to being a statue. Even the jokes that I made in return were being taken more seriously because the energy I gave off with them was taken differently than before. So far, one question I seem to be struggling with is this. How is it possible that unless I'm looking for something or anything to smile about, I'm just a walking talking embodiment of fog? I don’t generally act upset. I also go out of my way to bring out excitement in others even if I don’t convey it well in myself. Earlier in my notes I kept referring to how it was “me” that saw things differently during the week. I never once took the time to think about how it was on the other side with how people were viewing me from their perspective in this new state I found myself in. If the past two weeks have shown anything, maybe it is in fact possible that the change wasn't just in myself, but also how others saw me. Positive psychology. Maybe it isn’t just something that you feel in yourself, but also something others around you can both feel and visibly see coming from you. |
QaadirOn this site, I plan to express myself. So feel free to read the stampede of text, but never get the idea my blog's the best. Archives
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