This particular blog is about a scene that happened way back in my childhood. I chose this one because I felt like it was the moment that really put my aspirations in motion and is was what I always go back to. If there was ever a moment that defined me this would be it. I walk out onto my front porch holding two toy figurines of my favorite wrestlers. The clouds looming overhead are like a hazy gray covering up the sun. Even though the sphere of fire is gone I can still feel the heat burning my eyes when I look toward its clouded silhouette. For a second, I wonder about the chance of rain but I'm not gonna let a little water kill my time outside. As I sit down onto the concrete with black rails protecting me on my high castle, I look down the stairs leading into the open world. If I wasn't so sure it was about to rain I would rather be in the yard but where I was would have to do. So as I intended when coming outside I finally start off my playtime by reenacting a match I was watching the night before. I start off by making one of my figurines do multiple choke slams and lariats completely forgetting that I'm making the wrong one win. What do I care though, the energy from my imagination is firing me up in contrast to the cold concrete that is beneath me, currently playing as my seat. But as I'm playing I hear a noise. The first time I dismiss it as one my families' pets playing somewhere around me. But the second time I notice it, it sounds closer. By the third, I notice the noise sounding like it is coming from the desk I remember my Dad putting outside meaning to throw it away. Something is there. The sounds I hear as I walk nearer to the desk start to remind me of something and then I finally realize what it is. This sound is chirping. So I go to open the desk's drawer and see a nest that a bird had built making this old wooden furniture its home. But what I'm looking at in front of me is not what I imagined would be here. Whats laying in this nest before me is a baby bird, devoid of any feathers. But as I'm looking at it the lack of feathers isn't what immediately disturbs me. Its that the bird is breathing slowly. So in fear of the baby bird fighting for its life I run to find a worm and attempt to feed it. It isn't working. The bird can barely lift its head. So if it won't eat I decide to try and find its parent and that also turns up no result. With no other recourse I'm stuck watching as this bird degrades with no chance of saving its life and I can't believe it. The feeling I have coursing through me right now is something I can't recall ever experiencing before. My Mom comes out onto the porch and catches me, "Leave it alone, Qaadir. Without the Mom there's nothing we can do.." I listen to her tell me. As I sit hear coming to terms with what my mother just said to me I also notice something, another feeling welling inside me. I have no idea what this feeling is, but I do know its because I couldn't save this bird's life.
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The following post is an assignment for my English Composition I class. We were tasked with answering, The Proust Questionnaire, as way to both discover and share things about ourselves as we dive into our blog. Through reading my answers I hope you get a better idea of the type of person I am! So, without further ado, read on!
Q-1.__What is your idea of perfect happiness? A- The perfect idea of happiness to me is waking up in the morning from a full night’s rest to a cup of iced green tea. To walk across a cleanly cut yard made up from the greenest of grass as I sit down in a gazebo to watch the sun’s rays cascade over the horizon. Knowing that the house that I own and the family that I have are taken care of because my efforts have paid off. Because for me, I never truly feel happy when just myself is concerned. It’s only when knowing that something I’ve done or am doing for others makes their lives easier or more joyful do I feel a sense of accomplishment. Because true happiness to me is something that I can bring to others and only in that way can I truly bring true happiness to myself. Q-2.__What is your greatest fear? A- I don’t know what really puts a sense of fear into me at such a level that I can’t even stomach the thought. Social anxieties, failing to maintain the expectations of others and even forcing myself to course through the unknown. But all in all I’d have to say my greatest fear would have to be confrontation with those who I consider close to me. I am always prepared to defend myself and others kin to me against people who I barely know. But when confronted by people I actually have a sense of closeness to, something inside me that usually builds up into a dragon-like rage becomes extinguished by my inability to cause them harm or hurt their feelings. What if that moment is something I need to overcome to show them that I truly care, and I can’t do it? If I had a overbearing fear that would be the closest to it. Q-3.__What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? A-The trait I dislike most about myself would have to be how quiet I am. Like a select few others that I know, I tend to shutdown when conversing in a group larger than three to four people at most. I begin to overthink the things that I want to say and end up not saying them at all due to fear of coming off as random or unnecessary. Sometimes I would like to be apart of a subject and share opinions like the others around me, but my mental just blocks me and becomes a wall I have no idea how to climb. Q-4.__What is the trait you most deplore in others? A-The type of people who have the most unlikable trait to me would have to be those who build themselves up by bringing others down. Nothing gets under my skin more than someone who will berate someone else to make themselves seem more intelligent, cool, etc. It never made sense to me how harmful tactics like that could make an individual seem so alluring to the people around them. Q-5.__Which living person do you most admire? A-Without a doubt the person whom I admire most would have to be my older brother. He’s done more for me than I even thought to ask for and has truly been something I didn’t know I would have even needed. Regardless of any struggle he faces, he walks firm and does the most he can to make the best decision for himself and others around him. He’s also embedded those same ethics into me and is helping me to become a man of my own right. Though sometimes he claims that I have traits that he wish he had. Even then, I feel like I'll always be looking at his back rather than walking beside him. Q-6.__What is your greatest extravagance? A-That would have to be my capability to care for others which also correlates into my loyalty. Growing up I’ve gone through countless people walking into my life titling themselves as my “friends” only to have it all end the same way. So those encounters only made me vow to myself that if anyone would ever have me as a friend I would be the one for them that I never got to have. Because even if I never got to experience that feeling for myself I’d feel accomplished knowing that I could at least make someone feel something I never could. Trust. Q-7.__What is your current state of mind? A-If it’s anything I would have to label it as “searching”. For what, I don’t know but I do know its about me. Something in me that I want to expose or confront in some shape or form. Q-8.__What do you consider the most overrated virtue? A-The most overused virtue to me is definitely the whole concept of, “me myself and I”. Its as if its become everyone’s goal to course through life caring for no one but themselves. No one does anything for the good of the act anymore, simply just to boost themselves on some social scale. Or they’re constantly dragging people down to put themselves on top. Its this thought process that also makes me think the world has become a much more solitary place. Not physically but mentally. Q-9.__On what occasion do you lie? A-It kinda depends. So long as a white lie will get me out of any unnecessary drama I’ll probably lie to get things over with to avoid it. Or when I feel like someone isn’t quite ready to hear what they should hear. Q-10.__What do you most dislike about your appearance? A-Ever since I was young I’ve always had this overly modest idea of showing my knees. I hardly ever wear shorts outside of my home because of it. Q-11.__Which living person do you most despise? A-I don’t think there is anyone whom I can say that has my undisputed hate. Q-12.__What is the quality you most like in a man? A-I think that would have to be someone who’s not afraid to show a sense of chivalry and humility. Because it shows me that I’m not on the outside on thinking that being respectable is old news. Seeing it encourages me to continue being the type of man that I am. Q-13.__What is the quality you most like in a woman? A-I don’t know what it is, but a woman with aspirations is always a good thing to me. Q-14.__Which words or phrases do you most overuse? A-If I say anything too much its definitely the phrase, "That's dead.". Q-17.__Which talent would you most like to have? A- A talent I would like to have would be the ability to play the acoustic guitar. Or any form of the guitar for that matter. Q-18.__If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? A- If I had to change one thing about myself, it’d probably be a more willingness to take chances. Q-19.__What do you consider your greatest achievement? A- I don’t think I’ve done it yet, but I will make my way there. Q-20.__If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? A- If I could come back as something else, I’m coming back as a Red Panda. Q-21.__Where would you most like to live? A- I don’t know where but I’d like for it to be generous with fields of grass and pockets of trees. Away from the hustle and bustle of the cities but not so far someone can just come and kill me though. Q-23.__What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? A- When you become so gone that you begin to forsake yourself and prevent those around you from helping. Q-24.__What is your favorite occupation? A- The best way I like to enjoy my time would have to be gaming. It comforts my mind and resets me out of any negative state that I would be in before picking up the controller. Q-26.__What do you most value in your friends? A- Loyalty and their willingness to tell me the truth even if they know I don’t want to hear it. Q-27.__Who are your favorite writers? A- I’ve only read one book that became my favorite before I even reached the last page, or even the final chapter at that. The only favorite writer I have would have to be the author of The Giver; Lois Lowry. Q-28.__Who is your hero of fiction? A- That would have to be the DC comics hero the Flash. Q-32.__What is it that you most dislike? A- Heat. Nothing annoys me more than being too warm. I always liked the idea of warming up from the cold than being overwhelmed with a surge of heat from head to toe. Q-34.__How would you like to die? A- Old. Having achieved everything that I could even if it’s not exactly what I wanted. Q-35.__What is your motto? A- Fight forward with a 110%. |
QaadirOn this site, I plan to express myself. So feel free to read the stampede of text, but never get the idea my blog's the best. Archives
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